Bad Habits... hard to break FOR SURE. Today after I added up (ahem, subtracted really) the lines of check ledger I didn't have a small breakdown, like I normally do. I starred at it for a bit longer than normal, probably hoping it would magically increase, but then I just went on to the next task.
Throughout the day I did get derailed a few times. While taking a break from work, it may have taken a lot to convince myself not to buy the cute, magnetic MuchAdoAboutYou calendar for our fridge. We are in need of one and I like her stuff. She's a small business and it's not expensive... see, now I'm trying to convince YOU to buy it. I need H-E-L-P.
Normally, after I've reconciled the books and pick my jaw up off the desk, I get a "I'll just get tighter at the grocery" attitude and go on my merry way. This merry way does normally include many peeks at the sale pages on my favorite websites, an occasional coffee because they just sent me a coupon, and lunch with a friend to "catch up." Let's be honest, this does not work. I'm not paying attention to the budget and end up scrounging for pennies and not looking when I hand over my credit card; because, you know, it's best not to look. That way, you can say it didn't happen. Oui!
Not today... I actually saw the amount left in the checking (this never changes by the way) and was calm. After my minor derailment, I did something out of the ordinary... I told my partner in crime, the somewhat miserly, handsome man I live with. I emailed him that we had two unexpected purchases and we need to be tight with our purse strings when we go out this weekend. After I sent it, I wanted to recall it. You can't do that via gmail, I looked. I was so expecting a "WHAT DID YOU DO???" email or phone call, or the look when he got home tonight. I even prayed, really hard, that I wouldn't feel bad when it came. But all he said at dinner was "no steak night Thursday. Eh, we'll live!" (with a shrug and smile)
And, just like that, the fear of failure and rejection was gone. I didn't disappoint anyone. I didn't screw up. I didn't not live up to an expectation. Do you know how amazing that feels?? Cloud nine... I have arrived.
Hard habit... but in order to live financially free and not run this family's budget into the ground, I know that I need to work hard. I will have more days like today. Tomorrow, it's back to square one. I'm going to have to work hard NOT to make the coffee run at 2:00. My urges to scan the sale pages are going to fight back. The want to shop will be creeping, I just know it. But, I also know that I'm not alone in this fight.
Side Note: This week, I won The MoneySavingMom's Budget book from Maggie's fabulous website (check her out) and I am seriously SOOOOO excited!