Friday, February 18, 2011

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus… just typing his name makes me feel better. Oh, if only I always remembered in those ‘pit’ moments that saying his name would make me feel this good… Lately, I’ve been feeling sorry for myself. Not just in the “woe is me, I need a hug” kind of way but in the destructive “I don’t deserve this” type of way that only leads to nasty, gross feelings unless I allow God to intervene.

Yesterday, I didn’t feel like reading God’s word. I wanted to stay in my pit, angry with my husband and my situation, chained to my sins of money troubles, lustful thoughts, and complaints of E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G and not read the two verses set forth in my reading plan. Oh, why did I think that I could run?? I put it off and put it off. Nope, I’m not going to pick it up when I have a free moment at work. Okay, home from work… I’ll do the dishes, laundry, pack lunches for tomorrow, clean the coffee pot, prep for dinner… any other chore that I can find because I just don’t want to feel better. It was getting late and Matt was still not home… now what?!?! As I waited for the argument I was sure would happen when he got home (let’s be honest, I just wanted to fight yesterday), I gave in, sort of. I’ll read the next chapter in our bible study book Lies Women Believe. I’ll read man’s word instead of God’s word; it won’t make me feel too much better. Immediately I became immersed by God’s truth… sigh… Jesus, Jesus, Jesus… nice warm hug and the feelings of depression are leaving. Okay, this is right where I should have been dwelling all day instead of simmering in my sin. Why did I run?? My God ALWAYS loves me and puts me first. Why do I not love Him back?

Today I read all four verses (the 2 from yesterday and 2 of today) and have felt overwhelmed by God's love. Reading the words and dwelling in his truth has warmed this cold, hardened heart. Today, deep down, I know that my faith is alive by my actions. If I’m going to live for God, I’ve got to act like it. What is wrong with me? I love other people and want them to be in heaven with me. I want them to feel the love, grace and compassion that I do. By saving others for Christ, witnessing and being a 'doer' for God there will be more souls in the kingdom of heaven and the devil will never be able to touch them. Did you hear that… the devil will not have a leg to stand on! His lies will be useless, no longer trapping me in my sin, no longer giving me days like yesterday, no more hurting. How do I know this? Those who knew Abraham probably gave God a second thought when they heard he almost sacrificed his son. By living out his faith and showing others what he believed, Abraham stirred up questions in the hearts around him. Another soul won! Even Rahab a prostitute, who by the world's standards is filthy and worthless, had faith that made her deeds righteous. She became blameless and honorable because she had faith and acted on God’s word. God used her to stir up hearts. God made her deeds righteous.

Know this, the devil believes in God, just like I do, but my actions make my faith alive! That is something the devil can’t touch and certainly never have. So today, as I am reminded of my freedom in Christ vs. my sinful nature I realize that I have two choices. Do I sit in my pit and let the devil win? Do I really want to show others those unholy and filthy actions? Or, do I choose to believe and have a kind of faith that is being worked out around me, showing others that I am alive in Christ. “As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead” James 2:26.

If he can use Abraham and Rahab, why can He not use me?

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